You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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