I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
