im about as happy as oj after his trial
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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