1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
