no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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