I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just want nice things and good sex
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
