Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
