allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
