I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
