you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
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Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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