Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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