In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
