I didn't shave. On purpose
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
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