In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
