Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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