bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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