Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
we should paint friendship bongs
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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