My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
