I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
