Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
