She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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