i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
