Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
