We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
operation harelip BJ is a go
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
