He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
