Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
