just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
