What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Soap is not a condiment
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
