apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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