Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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