you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This can only be settled by a dance off.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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