I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
