I hate all girls vehemently.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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