You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
