he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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