i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
