dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
