Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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