im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
