I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
