I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
