you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
