On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
