The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
