one might say we're banned from that church
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The uberlube is also flammable
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
