Got a toothbrush?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
