what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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