you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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