alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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