I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
