It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
