I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
