Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
