i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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