In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
