you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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