Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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