I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
